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I’ve always felt there’s nothing wrong with a little hate; as long as that hate is restricted to sports. Actually, a little Sports Hate is not only good and healthy, it can give you a reason to watch even more sporting events (like we need that). Sports Hate answers the question: Who Do I Pull For?

More accurately, Sports Hate tells us who to root against. From a practical standpoint, rooting against a team is far better than actually pulling for a team; when a team doesn’t simply die a horrible death, it’s much easier to say “oh well” and walk away than it is to see the team you’ve put your hope in lose. So if it’s your team pull for them. Otherwise, root against. But how do you figure out who to root against? Here’s your handy guide. As soon as one of the teams fit the following qualifications, abort; you’ve found your team to hate.

1. Your Rival. The Rival tag trumps all others. And when I say “rival”, I don’t mean one of those teams that you respect and happens to be in the same state/city/metro area. A true rival is a team that infuriates you, who’s mere lack of failure pains your very soul. Examples of some of the more famous real rivals are:
   • North Carolina & Duke basketball
   • Michigan & Ohio State football
   • Red Sox & Yankees

   The Lakers & Celtics in the 80′s or the Cowboys and Steelers don’t count. You have to see the other team more than once every 4 years for it to be real. And if you’ve spent the last decade getting crushed on a yearly basis, you don’t count either. I’m looking at you, NC State.

2. Personal Hatred. Does the smug look on Tom Brady’s face make your blood boil? Does Coach K’s sneer and/or profanity laced tirades make you wish for his death? There’s nothing wrong with that; a personal hatred is the basis on which real rivalries are born.
3. Their Success Is Your Failure. There are always teams standing in your way. They are the team that’s keeping your down. Hate away.
   1. Divisional Opponents. The Cowboys going 12-4 means that it’s going to be harder for your Redskins to make the playoffs. That 3 game lead the Lakers have in the Pacific division are keeping your Suns out of the 2nd seed in the playoffs. Not only do you have to see these jerks more than anyone else in the league, their downfall can only help your boys. Set phasers to “negative thoughts” and fire away
   2. Conference Opponents. You love your Atlanta Hawks, and the New Jersey Nets who are playing the Spurs are then only thing standing between you and a playoff spot. Go Spurs!

   It must be noted that things get a little fuzzy in College Sports, where conference supremacy is second only to your team winning it all. Where as you, as a red blooded Ohio State fan, will pray for the Michigan’s downfall, things are not always so simple. When Wisconsin plays Kentucky, it is ok for you Big 10 fans, bless your little we-have-a-complex-from-underachieving hearts, it’s ok to hate on those jerks from the SEC.

4. Their failure is your success. Remember when Tennessee spent approximately 18 minutes as the #1 college basketball team in the country? You can bet my UNC loving self was cheering Vandy on like they were wearing Carolina blue jerseys. And guess what? UNC is now it’s rightful place as the #1 team. If somebody winning or losing is going to help your strength of schedule or RPI or some other three letter acronym, don’t feel bad, you can pull for those plucky little Commodores.

And that’s about it. If you can’t figure out who to pull for from these guidelines, just remember, it’s always ok to pull for the underdog and against Duke.

I wish they would just lose already.

So, the Panthers’ season is over. I’m not sure if I should be depressed that we ended 7-9 or ecstatic that we won any games considering the fact that our star defensive player (Peppers) was non-existent for the majority of the season and that we started a shell-shocked never-was and a guy who was around when they invented the forward pass for 10 of the 16 games this year. Matt Moore was definitely a diamond in the rough and Steve Smith proved he’s pound for pound the baddest man on the planet, managing to put together 1000 yards receiving again.

I do hope John Fox is kept another year; on the other hand, I hope that Special (in this context, Retarded) Teams coach Danny Crossman is bundled together with Keary “No Hands” Colbert and David “Good God I Suck But Look At My Hair” Carr and shoved into a cannon and fired off into the moon. We need to figure out what’s going on at OT (resign Gross, wish Wharton well), find a replacement for Rucker at DE, and find someone who has a clue who can play Free Safety. Hopefully we’ll see DeAngelo Williams as the feature back next year; I like Foster as much or more than the next guy, but Williams has a little more of that something special.